Reasons why I might never go to a Hindu Temple ever again...

What I thought would be a nice, pleasant and cheap afternoon doing something "typically Kolkatan" turned into a 355 Rs. adventure that I don't wish onto anyone. Not even my worst enemy. Well, maybe my worst enemy.

But, seriously. Not realizing today was a big festival honoring "Kali," the Goddess of time and change (Thank you, Wikipedia), I decided to visit Kolkata's holiest site, the Kalighat Temple dedicated to the Goddess Kali and considered to be the namesake of the city.

I was alone and PMSing and had just said goodbye to a good friend. Agreed I was a target...but should I really have been targeted?!?

7. Pandit Hawkers. I was "spotted" more than 50m away from the Temple and given unsolicited directions to the entrance. Although I knew from previous experience to stay strong and refuse to enter the Temple with anyone, I took this kind man's words as a gesture of kindness (this could also be referred to as "mistake #1)...and followed a Pandit (Priest) through the gate as he told me he would help me do "dharshan" (receive blessings) at the Temple.

6. Expensive Stuff That Was Put Into A Basket. The Pandit led me to a sweet shop to buy gifts for KaliMa as he said they don't accept monetary donations. He asked me how much of the sweets I wanted to give and I told him very firmly "Not too much. Smallest possible." I then asked about the charge for the Pandit escort, coconut, flowers, sweets and other goodies that were put into the basket that I had inadvertantly purchased...he responded with "60-70 Rs." Not bad, right? Except when I was ready to pay the bill after having visited the Temple it was 205 Rs. I tried to give back the already cracked open coconut and I think I may or may not have offended every person around me.

5. Dirt and Shit. I had to walk barefoot through this incredibly filthy Temple ground, felt something squishy under my feet only to realize I just stepped in goat shit (see #3) just to get to the holy statue which was so crowded that I was only able to see it for 2 seconds before being mauled out of there.

4. Hidden Fees Given to Unsuspecting Believers. I was standing next to my Pandit escort when he pushed me into another Pandit who started chanting and praying for me. Who doesn't like a blessing? I stood quietly and listened. He mumbled stuff in Sanskrit that I could not understand in between asked my name and mumbled that in too. I braced myself for a 100 Rs. donation. Apparently, the ritual he had performed was actually a 500 Rs. ritual and when I said I wouldn't pay that much he was extremely offended, took it as a sign that I was having money problems and proceeded to perform another ritual to bless me with money so I could pay the fees.

3. Dead Goats. There were goat sacrifices occurring right on the Temple grounds. I literally saw a man holding a dead goat's head in his hands.

2. Uneccessary Tears. The Pandits (Priests) at Kalighat Temple in Kolkata made me cry. This was actually a result of #3-7.

1. The Golden Temple. I mean have you seen the Golden Temple? Seriously, it is the holiest place for Sikhs in all of India and is the cleanest slash gives the warmest and fuzziest feeling of any holy place I have been slash the prasad (God's blessings) is absolutely delicious. It is also in Punjab, and well, we all know how I feel about Punjabis...